Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
