I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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