she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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