i just had sex bonerless
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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