U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
