He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize