lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
is that a dick in a sweater?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
