I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
