i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
