the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
