I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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