I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
