he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
