Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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