she was so not down for the gang bang
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
