I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
