You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
