now i know why i became what i already was.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize