We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
