I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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