I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
