My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
