can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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