i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
