i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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