don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
