whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How's work?
Spinning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
