Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
