omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
