Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
