we have officially lost it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize