oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
