he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
