i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
