your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize