Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to cum in my sink.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
