Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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