Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize