one two three fourrrrnication!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We smell like vodka and hangover
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
