Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
