I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
