I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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