we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize