Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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