Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
