We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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