My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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