i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize