if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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