you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
