I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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