he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
