she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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