You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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