i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
