i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
