Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
