her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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