I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
