I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
