Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
