So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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