Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
