Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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