I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Farmville is her only friend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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