This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
