We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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