i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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